I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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