Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize