I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He? As in you personified your dick?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Randomize
