whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
it was like eating out sand paper
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize
