he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
