I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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