Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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