my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
