shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
A+ Viking dick
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
