I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
as a side note pls kill me
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
