I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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