so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
