Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
