Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
