Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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