Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize