Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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