i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
