She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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