Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He did a backflip because drugs
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize