i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Randomize
