What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
You work out of a Hotel?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
