Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
