No period for spring break; use this wisely.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
