You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
