You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
