Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
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