Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize