just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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