I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
