I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
