Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
