I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
