Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
