yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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