Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
