I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Is Oprah even human
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
