he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
