So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
