My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Randomize