There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
