Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
