Capitaan dildo arrescate!
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
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