Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
