Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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