i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
