plz talk dirty to me
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
