Whatcha textin bout Willis?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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