i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
