you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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