she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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