woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
