I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
