I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
