youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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