the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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