I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
