he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
