Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Let's get the cat blown out
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
