i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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