where does the pee come out of this thing
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
