Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
