The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
