Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
