Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
